Manjaro + custom kernel = bad time

Apparently the linux-tkg kernel I was using, had issues, I compiled it with mostly the default options. Perhaps the scheduler, I think it was PDS, has issues.

I froze my computer by trying to switch the TTY. I call it a terminal, but I think the correct word is TTY. I then clicked the button on USB switcher, and then again, but no lights on mouse or keyboard, so computer was completely locked up.

Being able to switch the TTY is good, in case something freezes, but computer isn’t completely locked up.

Well, I learned my lesson, don’t use a custom kernel in Manjaro.

Firefox in Flatpak in Xorg is still broken, no idea what’s wrong with it. If hardware acceleration is enabled, it looks like this.

Firefox in Xorg with Flatpak with hardware acceleration used to work fine. Probably a Manjaro problem, as if you search for the problem, you’ll find nothing. And an update broke it. I’m too lazy to switch to unstable Manjaro, and see if it fixes it. Also, I don’t want unstable.

Manjaro issues

Well, I can see why people don’t recommend Manjaro now. I went to the bathroom, looked like it was on lock screen, could move the cursor, but couldn’t login, couldn’t change to a terminal, even ctrl + alt + del did absolutely nothing.

It could be a KDE and/or Wayland problem.

Either way, that may be my last straw. And the distro may now be switched. Think I should use something not based on Arch Linux, but I don’t know what. I don’t know if newer packages is going to be more stable. Therefore using Arch Linux, or something else based on it, might not fix anything.

I could just go back to Xorg. Does Firefox Flatpak work in it yet? Probably not.

I had to click the button on case, to turn it off, and back on. Since it decided the keyboard isn’t going to work anymore. The keyboard must work, I’m typing this.

Maybe the Local thing for WordPress, is fucking it up somehow.

But since I want AMD GPU support in Stable Diffusion, that limits the distros I can use. I don’t exactly want to use Ubuntu, but it might be more stable then Manjaro. Which is pretty fucking sad, that Manjaro is worse then Ubuntu.

And if I want newer packages, all I have to do is switch to the unstable repo.

That’s the first time that has happened.

“Could not find the Plasmoid for Plasma” maybe that’s the problem. Or maybe not.

Perhaps KDE is buggy shit. Gnome is too hard to use. XFCE isn’t great for games. Don’t really play games on desktop anymore though. Switching to unstable, might fix KDE. You’ll get updates faster.

Server might be cancelled by next month

Or maybe just the one site that gets hammered by bots will be deleted or converted to a static site.

Either bots, or almost all the humans block Jetpack. Either way, not worth paying for.

But paying for is really not worth it, that’s $7 a month for the cheapest plan, if you want to use your own domain. This server is only $12.50 a month. A one time fee to use a custom domain might be worth it, but not $7 per month.

Not all the sites are back, thanks to slow ass DNS. But you can edit /etc/hosts, that’s what I did temporally to access CyberPanel. Maybe the DNS will be updated tomorrow. If not, that’ll keep the server fast, if the bot’s DNS doesn’t resolve it.

Wurm Online works on Steam Deck

That is the launcher from their site, and what I did survived a system update.

Use pacman with the -r option, and put it in your home folder, or micro SD card.

Partial how to on my other site. Assuming I remembered all the commands I ran. The part it doesn’t have, is downloading Wurm Online from their site and extracting it to your home folder. And assumes you ran passwd.

Only posted a link here, as the other site isn’t viewed by humans. Perhaps it’s blacklisted. Well, the title isn’t very helpful for that post.

I just updated SteamOS, it still works, as expected.

I read about the -r pacman option on some site, I forgot what the option was, so I ran pacman –help, there is two – in that, but LibreOffice Writer is a fucking dick.

After running that, I ran pacman -S -h or something like that. That isn’t SteamOS only, I can do it in Manjaro too. The root -r option.

Probably works for Lutris too, if you don’t want the Flatpak version. But if I install too much stuff, I’ll be out of space on my /home, only around 4 GB free.

It’s Linux, the game works in Linux, you just might have to fiddle with it.

I’d make a video of it running, but I’m lazy. That is a video with my phone, not a screen recorder.

Verizon has no 5G at my address

I finally got my own cell service, US Mobile uses Verizon, at least for eSIMs. And it’s more like $6 or so more then T-Mobile’s cheapest prepaid plan, there’s a two dollar service fee, then regulatory/taxes. So it’s $12 before anything, around $16 after the fees. But you get unlimited minutes and texts.

T-Mobile’s price might be $10 though, they might include all the fees in it. I’m too lazy to switch to T-Mobile. It was kind of a pain to port my number, she did it wrong. You have to do something on the line with the number that is being ported. Might be easy to port now, if they gave me the info.

My phone doesn’t get 5G in my apartment, or even outside the building.

So thanks for the flier with Verizon 5G Home Internet, it’s useless at this address. Just like their site says, I confirmed it on my phone.

In my apartment, it’s slower then T-Mobile 5G, over 100 Mbps download, and I forgot what the upload was, maybe 15 Mbps. I think the upload on T-Mobile 5G was around 50 Mbps when I did a speed test who knows when. The download on T-Mobile 5G is 200 Mbps or so.

Not running anymore speed tests, it uses too much data. Even if I have a 5G signal, I won’t run a speed test. Only 1 GB of data. And my Comcast went out two days in a row, right after getting my own limited data cell plan. Possibly because I was uploading a ton of data, and Comcast’s network sucks ass for uploading. Had to upload my pics folder to Amazon. Since my Nextcloud is gone.

They have new unlimited basic plans, US Mobile, but I think the cheapest is $35 a month. And I can’t find on the page how much data till they make it unusable. Not paying $35. If I run out of data, no data till next month. If you call my magicJack number when I have no WiFi, and no data, my phone won’t ring.

Who needs data when you are home almost all the time? Hmm, I think their texting + calling only plan is $8 per month, that might be $12 per month after the fees. T-Mobile is a better deal, for $10, you get data too. In case you aren’t at home or on WiFi.

I did get a 5G signal, when on the way to her house. Didn’t do anything though. So there’s 5G in this shithole city in some places.

My phone is on low data mode. It claims I’ve used over 2 GB of data. It said that as soon as I got the eSIM. And it only says that for the personal line. The reason I know it’s a lie, is it says I’ve used data on Pandora for this “current” period. I haven’t used Pandora for quite a while. Last reset March 24, 2020. I should have reset it when I got the eSIM. So I haven’t used Pandora for two years? Nice, I haven’t been on a walk by myself for a long time.

Cheap shared hosting not for me

Mayo Host has issues, I had issues right away. I had to email to get my account activated. Then I found out no secure way to upload files other then the web browser. Good luck uploading a 1.1 GB backup. The limit is 500 MB.

Oh and two nights in a row, the server seems to get overloaded or something. Both this site and my paranormal site went down last night.

The control panel gets slow too.

I’ll cancel it eventually. This site is now back on BuyVM, a cheaper plan, they gave me credit, when I cancelled. BuyVM is more reliable. They have the best terms of any provider. If it’s legal, you can host it.

It’s the 1 GB plan. Sucks, Cyberpanel doesn’t let me create limits. I need to set a CPU limit of 20% or so, so I don’t get suspended. Well, I think they’ll just limit the server to 20-25%.

There’s no DNS, FTP, or mail on the server. You can’t do that with DirectAdmin, or maybe you can, too much work with DirectAdmin.

The DNS is hosted by Porkbun.

SFTP works fine, as root, I went into the sites directory, and got the username in there, and then made a authorized_keys file, with a SSH public key in it. The SSH key thing in Cyberpanel doesn’t work, perhaps it’s because of the type of key.

This entire site was uploaded using rsync. So it’s working.

I wanted a lightweight setup, lighter then having DNS and FTP and mail on the server. I have a third party email provider.

I might email my host, and ask how to limit my server to 20% CPU. Not finding what I want when searching.

If you want shared hosting, anything is probably more reliable then Mayo Host or Host Mayo. Like RamNode, BUYSHARED, Nexus Bytes.

If you hate cPanel, Nexus Bytes has DirectAdmin hosting, without getting a reseller plan. I decided not to make another account on another site, and just use my credit for another VPS. I was thinking about getting a VPS or shared hosting from Nexus Bytes. They could be more reliable then BuyVM. But I still have credit left, so next month I don’t have to pay anything. And possibly a little credit left after next month too.

BuyVM ended up being $7 a month, I got backups and a DDoS protected IP.

Good news, Cyberpanel has backups too, I’m pretty sure my backup space supports SFTP. I’d rather not restore the entire server if I don’t have to.

For my photo online backup, I’m using Amazon Cloud Drive. Better then maintaining Nextcloud. And I’m not sure 1 GB of RAM is enough for all my sites and Nextcloud.

Mayo Host claimed they are moving to a better server. And they’ll fix the FTP over TLS then. I don’t like waiting, and will it even fix the nightly downtime? I can fix my own server now. Don’t have to wait for somebody else to do it. Unless there’s a problem outside of my control, like with the node, or network.

The Mac mini will be uploading all my files to Amazon. I don’t pay for Prime, I’m on somebody else’s, so I have to pay $7 per month for 1 TB of space. The Prime thing is photos only, so limited space for videos. 1 TB of anything I want to upload.

Nobody likes Linux users, so you have to use a different OS to upload stuff. They think you’ll upload 1 PB of photos if they release Linux software. Not everybody. And I’m paying for 1 TB, so they should give those paying for a fixed amount of storage, a Linux client. At least network shares are allowed to be added to the Amazon app.

If that stops working, I’ll just get an external drive for the mini, and copy the photos to it. Hmm, they might not allow that, if they don’t allow network shares in the future. That’ll be a bummer.

Even Nexus Bytes doesn’t allow you to run certain stuff on your server, some legal stuff, like a game server. Why not? They have dedicated core(s) plans. I guess their DDoS protection sucks. That is a public game server. BuyVM doesn’t care. At least not on the dedicated core plans.

BuyVM is no longer reliable

They put my support ticket on hold, and never bothered responding. It was down for around five hours. They didn’t bother to boot it when the server was working again. When I got home, I tried booting it again, and it worked that time.

Might not have been down for five hours if they booted it.

I might move this site to my other server, since that server doesn’t seem to go down.

This isn’t the first time BuyVM has stopped working, it’s been going down a lot.

Just look at UptimeRobot.

First time going down this month, looks like April is when it was going down the most.

No, I’m not writing a script, to try constantly booting my server when it’s offline. That also might make them mad. Just tell them, they don’t boot it, so you had to write a script to do it.

They might have the cheapest block storage, but it’s useless if your server is going down for five hours randomly. That is why I haven’t switched hosts, nobody has block storage for as cheap. A lot of hosts, don’t even offer block storage.

RamNode only offers SSD block storage, and it’s expensive as fuck.

If they aren’t going to provide support anymore, not sure it’s worth paying for anymore. I could just ditch all hosting, and have no sites. Just keep the domains, and the email service.

An online backup of your photos is a good idea. But not sure it’s worth the trouble.

Johnny Utah

Bodhi’s brother came home today, Bodhi isn’t exactly happy about it. Came from the same breeders, I think the same mom and dad.

My mom’s dog, not mine. I can’t have a puppy. Too much work.

He likes chewing on everything, even the couch. And my pants. I was eating ice cream, and he wanted some. He put his paws on the couch, trying to get up there probably. Lilly puts her paws on the couch like that, but she’s a little dog. Lilly doesn’t want to play with him.

Bodhi barks a lot with the puppy.

He barked less at some other people that came to her house. He didn’t even bring me a toy. He might be frustrated, cause he doesn’t know how to play with the puppy.

But he can play tug a war with him, and then he won’t accidentally bite me. I won’t learn my lesson about playing tug a war with him, even if he bites me on accident, he has more then once.

Might mean Bodhi will play less with me, isn’t that a good thing? Then I can sit silently and do nothing.

If the puppy sits by you, he doesn’t want pets, he wants to chew on you. I know because I pet him when he did that, and he started chewing on me.

I was trying to get him to shake or put his paw up, well I put my hand on the ground by him, and he thought it was a chew toy. He did put one paw up, then the other, didn’t have any treats though to try and reward him.

Can you even train a puppy right away? Potty training you can. But he doesn’t even know his name. And the way I get dogs to come to me, he doesn’t understand. So good luck teaching him to shake yet. He’ll learn it later, but not yet.

He likes kids, but I think the breeder has kids. In fact, he was their sons favorite puppy. He gave my nephew kisses.

Bodhi will give me a kiss, not sure how big of a kisser Bodhi is though. He doesn’t do it that often. But Sofie might have given me a kiss once. And I don’t think she gave anybody kisses. It was either a kiss or her nose, not sure which.

Meiko gave kisses, he trained me to walk with my hands up, but he’d get you if you forget. Or just lick your elbow. He was good at catching flies too. I think flies pissed him off, and he’d catch em and eat them. His mouth was perfect for catching flies.

Tonka would kiss babies when she was feeling better and younger. You could tell her to kiss the baby, and she would.

She did give me a bunch of kisses on my arm or arms. It was I think a couple months before she died. That’s why I think she knew what was going to happen. She needed to tell me she loves me. And that she knows I love her. That’s the entire point of everything, is love.

Dogs aren’t generally selfish to humans, but to other dogs they are. Bodhi doesn’t want the puppy to chew on his toys. He’s a puppy, but Bodhi still doesn’t want him to chew on his toys.

Somehow Buddy was fine with all the dogs we got. Not sure he played that much. He did like me petting him. Got Buddy, then Meiko, then Tonka, then Chibi. Chibi had a problem, but none of the big dogs did.

Buddy would chase cats. But must have eventually been fine. Well, the cat I think he pinned down, eventually moved out. Not sure how many times he did that. If they ran he’d chase them.

He couldn’t get the annoying cat out of my room, he’d try to get the cat to run away, but he wouldn’t. Then I had a cat meowing, and a dog whining. That cat would also knock stuff down if you didn’t get up and let him outside. He might have only tried chasing him out of my room once, he probably didn’t see the point in trying again.

T-Mobile Prepaid

T-Mobile Prepaid might be the fastest prepaid cell service, if you get good T-Mobile service. You get the same speed as postpaid T-Mobile apparently.

It’s $15 a month for 2.5 GB of data. If you don’t go anywhere, and have WiFi, that’s plenty of data.

Apparently some services the data can become useless if the tower is congested.

I don’t really want to pay $100 for a year of Boost Mobile, as it might not work, and I don’t think they give refunds. So you’d have to do a charge back. Cheap, but it might suck.

Somebody got a bad SIM card number on Boost Mobile, and they wouldn’t fix or replace it. I assume they entered the number right. Maybe not.

If you go with Boost Mobile, read their terms, if they don’t offer refunds, it probably isn’t worth the risk.

T-Mobile Prepaid, you can get an eSIM, no need to wait for a SIM card.

I’d rather pay monthly, so if it sucks, I can look for a new provider.

PureTalk USA has eSIM, but it’s $25 per month. And their customer service might suck.

You don’t want Unreal Mobile, they are owned by scammers now. Years ago, I ordered a data only plan, but it didn’t work, emailed them, got zero response. They took my money and ran.

If you pay with a PayPal Key or whatever it’s called, can you dispute charges on it like regular PayPal? If so, use that when paying for cell service. If they won’t fix the problem, dispute it. I use PayPal Key everywhere it works, my credit union debit card number keeps getting stolen somehow. I get $0 charges, like somebody is verifying the card. I think I’ve gotten a new debit card two times now. doesn’t let you use PayPal Key, but you can use regular PayPal. No automatic domain renewals for me.

Hmm, that would really piss Boost Mobile off, if the service doesn’t work, or the SIM card number is bad, and you charged back. You’d be banned from that service. They’d probably fight it too. They want $100, and don’t care if you get anything.

Then again, all reviewers could be lying. So maybe Boost Mobile is fine. I’ll just pay $15 per month.

RIP Freki

Older sister’s dog Freki died, got hit by a car.

Not a great way to start the year.

I only saw him in my mom’s yard, assuming her lab was Freki. Didn’t actually go outside, it was the house before the house she’s in now.

I wanted to cry, and I didn’t even know the dog.

I think she let him run loose though. So could have been prevented.

I might be crying in bed. That’s usually when I cry. Not necessarily about Freki, but all the dead dogs, probably mostly about Tonka. Dogs dying reminds me of Tonka dying.

Bodhi might lose his mind if he ever sees me again

I might wait until my next doctor appointment to go to her house. Also, I don’t know if I can eat the things she makes for dinner.

I found two recipes to try, you can cook lentils in a rice cooker. That’s a lentil and rice recipe, the other recipe is a black beans and rice recipe.

Eating healthy is a pain in the ass, you have to find recipes. Apparently Apple added Samba printing support to iOS, just connect to my local VPN, and I can print, easiest way to access the wired VLAN, without changing the firewall, it’s isolated, or mostly isolated from each other.

Does show the printer without the VLAN, but I doubt it can connect. I setup something that rebroadcasts stuff from one VLAN to a different one, I should get rid of that. A VPN is a much better solution. You just allow access to one thing in the firewall config if you use a VPN.

Either Apple did that, or Samba got updated to make it work with iOS. No more having to print from my computer.

Bodhi thinks I’m his playmate. His playmate is having serious health issues.

The lentil recipe won’t exactly be vegetarian, I’m putting chicken base in it. It appears to have no fat, I looked at the label on the picture.

All the doctor said yesterday, was to go to the ER if my breathing gets worse. And to make a follow up appointment for a week or two. But I doubt I can see my doctor before February. So she has to call, and see if it matters who I see.

Heart rate is still elevated. The anxiety might make it higher as well. At the doctor, the nurse I assume she was, had me walk, and my heart rate went down. Sick + anxiety, apparently means a high heart rate. I wasn’t aware of the anxiety, just a high heart rate, because she told me.

If you’ve had anxiety your entire life, you are so used to it, you don’t even notice it. Dogs will notice my anxiety when I don’t. Tonka was great at that. The anxiety has to get pretty high for me to notice it.

Hopefully if Bodhi jumps on the couch and sits where I sit, somebody sees him, and takes a picture. He will get on their bed and a chair in the living room when he’s left at home. So if I don’t see him for a month, he may do something like that. He also might tackle me when he sees me.

If I end up getting my gallbladder removed, I could easily not go over there for a month. Don’t think you are supposed to do much right after surgery. It’s also possible they will accidentally kill me, with the drug they knock you out with.

I don’t really want a near death experience. Most people want to stay where they go, but you have no choice, and will get sent back if that’s what God wants. Don’t really want a out of body experience either, as then I’d be watching them perform surgery on me, I don’t want to see that. I just want to wake up and know nothing about the surgery. If it’s like sleeping but without dreams, that’ll be perfect.

They haven’t ordered an ultra scan or whatever yet. Got an x-ray and EKG yesterday. The x-ray they take to your room is much easier, you don’t have to do much.

The standup x-ray, you might need assistance with where to stand. The worker lady had to help adjust me.

Do they only have the mobile x-rays at the hospital? I think that’s when I got one, in Newport, Oregon, I had a lung infection. Got a cat scan too.

Speaking of cat scans, I got one at the ER again, but they found nothing. No hot flashes, just a warm butt, like warm diarrhea. Got hot flashes the first time, which was awesome, I was looking forward to that, and only got a warm ass.

I had a new symptom, so they probably weren’t focused on the puking thing. I haven’t puked again.

But my stomach slightly hurts after shitting now.

She said I should wear my watch all the time. Probably a good idea. Then I’ll know if my heart rate ever goes back down. Just won’t wear it when shitting, don’t want to get shit on it.

I had diarrhea last night, possibly from what I ate, a microwave noodle thing we got at Rite Aid. That’s better then puking, unless you are sleeping.

No waking up all night not breathing last night, the breathing is almost back to normal. I did fall off the bed, and give myself a charlie horse in the left leg. I made it back in bed though.

Not as conscious while sleeping, which is good, as I might not wake myself up because of a dream. I started taking all my medicine again, except the pro biotics. I’m paranoid that might mess something up. Not sure how much they help anyways. Considering I’ll probably never eat cheese again, I probably don’t need pro biotics anymore. You get less diarrhea if cheese gives you diarrhea, but you take pro biotics, doesn’t work for everybody.

Not sure it’s really lactose intolerant. Might be IBS.

I might start losing weight though. Since I’m not eating very much. If my heart rate doesn’t go down before the next appointment, I might lose weight until it. They’ll probably notice on their scale as well. And ask “Have you been eating?”, and I’ll say “Yeah way less though”. That could be a problem, if all the sudden you have not much of an appetite.

Not sure that’s the case, might be paranoia about puking. I’ll need the head doctor for that. I’m already on medicine for paranoid people, so there’s nothing they can do. You can’t convince me more food won’t make me puke.

If the doctor says to lose weight, maybe I’ll get down to 100 pounds, and then the doctor will say I need to gain weight, so gain all the weight you lost, and she’ll say you need to lose weight again, and I’ll say “But you said to gain weight”. Just eat lots of cookies, and get diabetes. I just want to hear a doctor tell me to gain weight.

There must be something seriously wrong with me

If a homeless man can get a gf, there must be something seriously wrong with me.

Just watch Lead Me Home on Netflix.

Is possibly having diabetes and a bad gallbladder something seriously wrong with you? Or being insane?

I never knew homelessness was so bad, that is what happens to homeless people.

I almost cried more than once, or maybe actually crying. I didn’t take my anti depressant last night. Didn’t want to puke.

So what, I care about people if I’m depressed? But if I’m not depressed, I could care less? Makes perfect sense.

Good idea, don’t take my anti depressant anymore. That’ll end well. Then I’ll be too depressed to want a gf.

There’s some hot ladies working at Sacred Heart. That’s why it’s my favorite hospital.

Do they do sex changes there? I want to be no sexual, that is have no penis or pussy. Then you can’t call me a faggot anymore, since I won’t have a gender anymore. I’ll like whatever the fuck I want, and there’s no insult you can give me anymore.

Except, I’ll fail the sanity test, so bad they didn’t give me a sanity test, when I said I want no dick or pussy. Where will the piss come out? My nose?

Sideline is horrible

Tried switching to Sideline from Google Voice, so I won’t lose my number if Google ever decides to terminate my Google account for some reason.

Well I ported the number, but if you called it using T-Mobile, it said the number isn’t in service.

Their support just said “Unfortunately this is not something on our end that is causing this issue. This is an issue on T-Mobile side and unfortunately we are not able to troubleshoot.”.

I had to use their chat to get a response, they seemed to be ignoring my ticket. If you read the reviews on the App Store, somebody else got the not in service problem as well.

So port the number back to Google Voice? Nope, it’s now classified as a VoIP number, and Google won’t let you port it. I read that before porting it to Sideline, but I figured Sideline would be fine.

I ported the number to magicJack, I have no phone plugged into the magicJack. I use the magicApp, and I enabled SMS.

Turns out you can’t get short codes on magicJack, but it’s cheaper then Sideline, so I don’t care.

OpenPhone can’t get short codes either, one reason I didn’t port there. I’m guessing magicJack is using the same SMS service.

If I ever want to plug an ancient phone into the magicJack I can.

No short codes means less spam anyways. If you need to get a verification code, and SMS is the only option, you are out of luck. Unless they use a 10 digit phone number.

I left a one star review in the App Store for Sideline. I don’t think they give a shit if they keep customers.

Yes, I can receive calls from T-Mobile on magicJack. No not in service message.

I’m not contacting T-Mobile for Sideline. That’s the worst customer support ever.

Failed another dog

Got a ten day notice, about Ruby biting a dog, who somebody claimed needed stitches. Just says they required vet care. They for some reason gave me a duplicate of the same 10 day notice, so it looks like I got two. She did bite a dog before that as well. They didn’t need stitches, but were limping for a few days.

My sister took her back to Julia’s Jungle today. You could tell she knew something was happening today. She probably even tried telling me she didn’t want to go back.

The only dogs I know how to handle are dogs like Tonka and Buddy. Not a young Border Collie with zero training. I can’t even keep her from jumping on people. And I think the rule says your dog isn’t allowed to do that either.

She probably wasn’t getting her needs met here, she didn’t like walks, she’d rather run in a yard, don’t have a yard she can run in. She needs to run in a yard more than once a day.

Since my sister adopted her, I probably wasn’t supposed to have her. My mom couldn’t even take her back.

Scraps came out a while back, don’t remember when. They were looking for an Australian Shepherd type dog. Probably looking for Ruby, but got bad info. They asked me when I came outside, if I knew about such a dog on the floor I’m on.

Hopefully somebody with a yard adopts her, and no other pets. Training her around other pets would be difficult. Especially in an apartment.

She was super nervous at my mom’s, there’s no way being over there would work. She’d have to muzzle train Bodhi and her at the same time. They don’t get along.

What happens if my nephew gets in the middle and gets bit?

Bodhi was happy today, I went directly in her house, so he got to say hi, and bring me toys to not let go of. He prefers to play tug a war. At least somebody is happy today.

Well, I learned my lesson, I can’t take care of a dog, if they aren’t Tonka or Buddy. It only took getting two dogs, the first dog I didn’t really want.

Ruby did nothing wrong, only I did.


She is a Border Collie/Airedale Terrier mix. She came home today, she got surgery last night, so she can’t have babies. She likes her kennel, went in there by herself. She knows how to sit, but doesn’t know her name. She’s cautious of men, more so then women. She saw me three times before I took her home, I think three times.

She did get out of her harness, it’s slightly too big. He was trying to pick her up, to get her in the car. She was scared, and backed right out of it. Luckily my sister and mom got her, she ran into a fence and couldn’t run anymore.

The previous owners said she wasn’t a good farm dog. She was running away. I assume they thought they could get a dog, and they’d automatically be a “farm” dog. Not how it works. Don’t want her to chase chickens? Train her. Just doing basic training will help a dog’s mind. A smart dog won’t be bored if you train them.

She was at Julia’s Jungle. They said three weeks till she could come home, but the surgeon got to her earlier. We need to rearrange my living room, which we are going to do this weekend.

She’s still cautious of me, but she licked me, and jumped on me today. She jumped on my mom and sister sooner then me. It’s possible a male was mean to her. She probably won’t sleep on my bed right away. First have to make sure she’s potty trained. She might be, so it could be the surgery and anxiety that resulted in her peeing inside.

I let dogs jump on me, so I won’t train her not to do that. She’s smaller than Tonka was, and smaller than Bodhi. Bodhi is bigger than Tonka was. They did meet, but Bodhi had to go back in, they started playing, but she can’t play like that for ten days. Not slow playing, they were running. I’ll close her kennel door overnight. If she needs to go potty, she will probably wake me up by whining.

It took three tries to get the leash on her at my mom’s, took her outside to see if she needed to go potty. She kept running away from me.

No idea what her real personality is like, or how much energy she really has. She might end up being a lap dog, she likes being pet. The jumping thing is why I think she might want to sit in my lap in the future. She might weigh 50 pounds. I’d let Bodhi sit in my lap, and he’s 80 pounds or more. He doesn’t fit though. Maybe half of him does.


Barney will most likely be moving out tomorrow. Some people can tolerate feeling angry and agitated, that is at the same time. Not me. If I knew he would make me feel this way, I wouldn’t of agreed to take him home.

The only training he has, is potty trained. He might of potty trained himself, by sitting in his own urine and shit though.

Somebody that knows how to take care of dogs, can get him. That isn’t an insane asshole.

I prefer to avoid agitation. There’s no magic drug, as far as I know, to get rid of it. Zyprexa doesn’t. Exercise probably doesn’t either. The agitation is most likely for an irrational reason.

It can also be, because of depression. They claim exercise helps that. You can exercise without a dog. Getting a dog, when you are so depressed, you are agitated, is not a good idea. Apparently the dog, is what will trigger the agitation.

Not sleeping as long as I usually do, also doesn’t help. Going back to bed after taking him outside, probably doesn’t help either. I have zero energy for a dog, or any other animal.

She can be mad at me all she wants. Not everybody can take care of a puppy. And he’s not the only animal bothering me either. Any animal wanting a lot of attention, bothers me. It’s only a matter of time, before her cat(s) start bothering me. Being able to sleep, and go to the bathroom, in peace, might prevent any other animals from bothering me.

Chibi agitated me, and I have zero idea of why. The only thing I can think of, is somebody got all angry at her for looking at them while eating or something. After that, she caused severe agitation. I couldn’t even pet her. Doesn’t matter how long ago, that event took place, the agitation is still here, and she isn’t. If I dream about her, I get agitated. I vaguely recall punching the bed while sleeping, not sure what I was dreaming, I don’t recall that part. Just that I was punching the bed in my sleep.

Well, I failed whatever I was supposed to learn. Off to recycling I go, when I die. Reincarnation has already been proven. And, if I can barely eat food, without stomach doing weird shit, I might not live that long. Some people have memory from their previous life, usually goes away when they are an adult.

Lucky for me, I have zero memory of anything before this life. It’s probably a good thing. As, I probably wouldn’t still be alive. I’m guessing I made horrible choices in my previous lives.

If somebody is angry at you, don’t answer the phone, if they call. Got to go to bed, so if she calls again tonight, I’ll be sleeping.

Not everybody deserves love, I don’t.

Have you ever felt agitation? I don’t know how to describe it. It’s not a thought, it’s an actual feeling, like anxiety and depression, those both are in your stomach. Or at least my stomach. Agitation is almost like a sore.

The doctor believes more of what I say, then my mom.

Now where is the agitation feeling? In my stomach too? I don’t recall. As, I avoid it like the plague. I think it is my stomach. It’s a feeling, like being punched, you can feel. I’m not talking about just in your head. Like love, you can’t psychically feel, as far as I know.

So, I only feel three things? Depression, anxiety, and agitation. Great way to live. Oh wait, four things, guilt. Guild and bad can be the same thing.

There’s no cure for depression. Oh wait, I can think of one. Depends what state you are in, if it’s legal. And it’s probably not legal in any state, that might only apply for cancer and stuff. Apparently depression, isn’t terminally ill.

Barney can't replace Tonka

I had zero intention of actually getting a dog. She claims, I’ll feel worse if I give him to somebody else. Well, probably, but I’ll be able to stay in bed 24/7.

I feel horrible, depressed, and crying a lot.

No picture, I’m too lazy to take one with my camera. He likes scratching and whining at the door, if you don’t pay 100% attention to him.

Putting him in his crate, is worse, he throws a big fit. So, wiping your ass, you’ll hear him the entire time. I doubt he wants outside every time he does it, he doesn’t even need to go out every two hours, not at her house.

Everything I do with him, reminds me of Tonka.

At least, I have even less of an appetite now. The weight should keep coming off.

I know he doesn’t need to go out constantly, if you go to bed, he’s fine till 7 AM, the last time out around 8 PM. Didn’t even get off my bed. I closed the door though, so he doesn’t get in the trash while I’m sleeping.

He’s basically a rescue, from Texas. The shelter there was going to murder him. He has urine stains on his feet. The hair has to grow out, the groomer said. She had to shave most of his hair off, he had lots of mats.

The shelter we got him from, neutered him, but didn’t give him a bath before. They should of cleaned him up and shaved him. They didn’t ask for her to pay to adopt him, at his vet visit.

He’s going to her vet soon, also need to find out how much he weighs, and how much he’s supposed to. They said he weighs 12 pounds, who knows if that’s right.

If you ignore him, he might chew on his bone. I also moved his bed.

I’ll be going to bed early again, I barely slept. I was worried about him getting up. I did go back to bed after taking him out, for 3 or so hours.

Not to mention, she said she might not be alive in 30 years. She reminded me nobody lives forever, currently. My life will 100% suck when she dies. Nobody else cares about me as much as her. Typing that, resulted in crying. And she claims I don’t love her. Do you cry if somebody dies and you don’t love them? I can’t imagine her dying in 30 years, would bother me, if I didn’t love her.

There’s no way to walk a different way, I still have to exit my door, and go down the hallway. I guess I could jump out the window, that wouldn’t end well. And, then I’d be somewhere I walked Tonka. So, that wouldn’t work either.

The doctor, claims it’s common to feel this way when getting a dog after one dies. And claims I’ll feel better as time goes by. Maybe, I didn’t say how bad I feel.

It’s as bad as the first time I went to the nut house. Well, the time I was there for 3 months, as an adolescent. It’s not a feeling you ever want to feel. I thought getting a dog was supposed to be happy. I just get regret, that I didn’t walk Tonka that much, that is long walks. I couldn’t keep her at home at the end.

Also, regret for doing nothing on the family vacation to Newport, Oregon. I was sick, but I still should of done more. Barely got any pictures. My grandpa is dying, so there won’t be another family vacation with him. Grandma might have something wrong with her too.

Good way to live your life, regret. You’ll get absolutely nothing done.

Laowa 17mm Bargain Lens

I got that lens on sale from B&H for $150, you can always get that price from Kenmore Camera and directly from Laowa.

Laowa 17mm pictures taken with Olympus E-M5 Mark II

Two taken at f4, and one at f1.8, the first picture is f1.8.

Focusing isn’t hard, don’t know why they invented auto focus. I just tap somewhere in the LCD, and click the button that is assigned to show the magnifier.

Might be harder in sun, using the EVF. I don’t recall, if you can move the “focus” area with the screen, when looking through the EVF. I think you can on the E-M10 Mark II, not that I could get it to work. I still have that camera, I don’t plan on getting rid of it. It’s a backup.

The RAW files are on that link too. A flash was used for all photos. I don’t see the problem with using a flash.

If somebody offers me money for the E-M10 Mark II, I might sell it. But, I won’t offer it to anybody, they’d have to ask about it.

My Panasonic 12-32mm might be useless now, yeah it can do 12mm, but manual focusing and backing up is more satisfying.

You know what else is satisfying? Having your balls squished.

You need f1.8, so you can step it down, and get sharper photos. Who needs f1.8 on a 17mm lens? Well, maybe I do, if I take a nude photo of myself. How do I tilt the camera to make my balls have bokeh?

I Gambled And Lost

Bought an iPhone 8 from Woot. The screen has a bunch of hairline cracks. The earpiece doesn’t work. That is the earpiece doesn’t get very loud, so it’s useless, if you can only barely hear the other person.

That’s two phones with issues from Woot, my sister got an iPhone 6S, the battery was useless. I think she sent it back, good idea, probably would of found out more was wrong with it, if she got the battery replaced. I was thinking about replacing the screen on the 8, not a anymore.

I thought she just got unlucky and got a bad one. Now, it’s two phones with issues, they clearly don’t test the phones, or even look at it. Who wants a phone with a bunch of hairline cracks? Not me. I guess, I didn’t read it right, thought only the body would be beat up. Also, wouldn’t expect anything to not work right.

I had to rush to restore my iPhone 7, the counselor is calling today. Oh, and the earpiece works fine on it. So, it’s not T-Mobile. The iPhone 8 is supposed to be fully unlocked. I emailed support like their site said, to ask to return it. Since it has a battery. It’ll be a week or longer before I get my money back.

I’ll never buy anything with a screen from Woot again. Better, I’ll never buy any electronic from Woot.

Oh and I think she said she emailed the wrong address the first time, most likely what their site said, I did the same thing. So that’ll delay it too.

Got a return label. Funny, how they said they don’t have a replacement to send me. I didn’t want a replacement anyways.

Hopefully they can open it without destroying the label inside it, that they said to put in it. And hopefully it really is reset, I told it to reset. I’m not ripping it open to check.

RIP Sofie

Her tumor got huge, and she couldn’t pee. She claimed she didn’t have to do it yet. But, how is she supposed to pee? Sounds like she did have to do it.

I’m shocked she didn’t bite anybody. If her tumor got bigger. She was crazy about food, and more so at the end. She didn’t even hurt Bodhi, when she’s snapped at him. I’m shocked if any dog in that much pain doesn’t bite somebody.

If Tonka had a big tumor, I’d be shocked if she didn’t bite somebody. I’d probably be the one to get bit, but I wouldn’t dislike her or anything for it.

I guess, I could get a dog now. Not today. Or next week, or probably this month. Maybe never.

Bodhi hasn’t noticed or figured out she’s not coming back yet. Which is a good thing. You don’t want your dog to get depressed or upset. They might stop eating. Well, Bodhi probably won’t stop eating. He loves food. Also, he loves all the people he’s around. So did Sofie.

Sucks, I didn’t get to see her before it happened. I didn’t go over there yesterday.

She only had her three years, I think she was 10 when she got her. Her previous people are fucking assholes, they had her, her entire life, and dropped her off at Julia’s Jungle. Claiming that they were moving, and no dogs allowed. Why not give her to family or a friend? Oh, because they knew she chewed doors up? Assholes. A dog is a commitment. You don’t get rid of your wife, if she starts doing something you don’t like. Or maybe you do.

Hopefully those people never get a pet again. She didn’t deserve to be gotten rid of ate age 10. Or any age. I can see why people give up puppies, usually older people, that aren’t active enough, and the dog needs somebody active. Waiting till they’re 10, just makes you a complete asshole.

Tonka would have felt horrible if I got rid of her. Well, she was at my mom’s, that made me feel horrible. Not enough room in my apartment, for what she was doing. I should have just got rid of everything.

I learned very quickly, the dog was more important than my stuff.

Apparently those people didn’t learn anything.

No crying yet, I was about to earlier. I’ll probably do it while sleeping. That’s the best time to do it.